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06 April 2014 @ 05:59 pm
"C" as in "Cacotopia"  
Title: "C" as in "Cacotopia"
Chapters 3/26
Author: gazerock4eva
Pairing: Jonghyun x Onew
Genre: Romance, Fluff
Disclaimer: The boys belong to themselves, only the idea is mine.
Rating: PG-13
Note: This is a series of one-shots that aren't connected in terms of plot in any way and can be read separately from each other depending on your favorite pairings.
Summary: Cacotopia: an imaginary place or state in which the condition of life is extremely bad, as from deprivation, oppression, or terror; a work describing such a place or state. Decades before the first documented use of the word "dystopia" was "cacotopia", though dystopia became the more popular term, cacotopia finds occasional use.
Synopsis: He wanted to question the meaning of this but didn't get to do that either, because the brunette leaned in and brought his pretty mouth down onto his. There were two initial things he felt acutely and at once; the first being the incredible softness of the pliant lips pressed gingerly to his own pair, and the second was the electric tingle that sparked down his nerve tracts from the tenderness of the simple contact, making the sensation of it that much more... profound.

["A" as in "Anathema"] (ReitaxRuki)
["B" as in "Bias"] (UruhaxAoi)

Author's Note: Yush, my first venture into K-Pop, suggested by my dear lttlbrightlight <3. SHINee with their catchy 'Ring Ding Dong' was actually the first K-Pop band I ever came across and they more or less got me into K-Pop to begin with *laughs* Hard to believe so much time passed since that release already. I adore all the members, but Jonghyun and Onew have a slight edge over the other three in terms of personal preference, so I just went ahead and paired them up. I hope it turned out well ^_^

If you have a suggestion for a letter or a next pairing, leave it in a comment and I will definitely consider it! You can pick any word you like, but as for the pairings it would have to be bands or artists I know because I need to have some sort of interest in the person before I can write about them *laughs* Please check my interest list in my profile to see what bands/artists I like.

When you pick a pairing anything's allowed, from J-Rock to K-Pop to solo artists, same-sex or hetero, crossovers as well. I have nothing against experimenting and writing pairings that are uncommon or have never been written before, so pitch me your idea and if I get inspired by it, I'll definitely write it.

You can see which letters have already been claimed by checking the one-shot section of [this entry].

And now, off goes:

"C" as in "Cacotopia"

Don't get him wrong, he liked his current life. The singing, the dancing, the fame, the fans; all that was great. But there were drawbacks as well, and not too few. Right now the bad and the ugly overweighed the good by far, right now the scale of negativity was tipped so low he felt an almost physical pain whenever he had to fake smiles and act happy towards the cameras. His personal world was currently in a state which was chaotic, depressing and terrorizing.

It all had started with something entirely ordinary and innocent, sweet even - he'd come to like a girl. They went out on a few dates and he wouldn't have even called her a girlfriend, but rather a try at having a relationship of some sorts. And then, once fans and media had found out, it all blew up faster than a powder keg in a burning barn, nevermind the suddenly discovered clause magically appearing in his contract saying he wasn't allowed to date to begin with. This small, sweet, innocent little thing became a scandal blown out of proportions incredibly swiftly.

So don't get him wrong, he loved the dancing. The singing. The fame, the fans, too. But for all his love... this sucked. He worked hard; hours of practice, little sleep, constant travelling. He had almost no time for himself, let alone family and friends. But he had wanted a shot at a semblance of a relationship. Not even love, just... something. Affection, comfort, closeness, a bit of intimacy - physical and mental alike.

It wasn't even what got to him most, he could find his peace with the fact that it was more or less forbidden to date while being a member of an appropriately famous boy band. What stung, was that he had been made to apologize for it as though it'd been some sort of vile crime he'd committed. To have to go out there and say "I'm sorry I tried to have a relationship" was... disheartening. It didn't even make him angry, just... sad. Humiliated in a way, too.

After his official apology the scandal was over for the public but for him, in bitter aftertaste of it all, the personal cacotopia had just begun. Suddenly things seemed oppressing, he felt like he'd been laid in shackles, a slave to the industry. He probably really was... and thinking like that only made things worse. He hated his current situation, his current state of mind, his current... everything. He could grit his teeth and push on but it all felt wrong. All the positivity seemed to have been reversed, all the fun was turning into gloom, all the good into bad, his world had plunged from light to darkness.

And Kim Jonghyun wasn't used to that. His bouncy, energetic, optimistic, ever-boyish self was at a loss of how to deal with the influx of downbeat emotions from his hurt heart and dented pride. The perception of the world and his own persona as a part of it were now askew and he had trouble straightening that axis out again.

It showed of course, no matter how hard he tried to fight and hide it. He was much more unfocused during practice, which usually pissed their manager and instructors off, which in turn only made things worse for him, putting the pressure of their disappointment and rebukes atop his already bleak mood. He ate less, slept bad and was shutting off, barely laughing or even smiling if it wasn't required for the sake of press and public. SHINee's blonde bundle of zest and verve suffered, and the only people really worried and unsettled by that were his immediate friends and band mates. He had other friends of course, in and outside the SME family but he didn't get to see them very often. Not that he even wanted to, right now.

Exhausted after another 11-hour long choreography practice slash interview slash recording session, he went straight for the bedroom in their dorm. Three bunk beds to fit all of them, and his spot was bottom bed in the corner - it was cozy, he liked it, plus with lights switched off and darkness dominating behind the windows it was also a nice quasi-hiding-place. Dropping face down into the pillow, he groaned softly into it. The manager wasn't happy with his efforts today as well, he knew it. Seen it in the man's eyes, that disapproving stare, which likely meant he'd have to face another chide tomorrow morning. Awesome. The cacotopia of his life dragged itself on in a downward spiral and didn't show an end just yet, continuing with the complete reversal of everything he'd once thought to be a nearly dreamlike scenario.

The door opened letting in a stripe of hallway light, a voice calling from the entrance of the room. "Hyung. We're going out for dinner, are you coming with?"

Well. He didn't feel very hungry, so he declined with an aloof: "Go on, you guys. I'll stay in today."

He couldn't see the face of their youngest but he could very well perceive him linger in the frame for a bit longer, hesitant about deciding if he really should just leave it at this. Jonghyun hoped he would. He was in no mood for pep talks even though Taemin was actually really good at giving them, he just wanted his cacotopic peace and quiet. Those weren't anything enjoyable on your own per se but they were even worse in company because they constructed a black shield around him which repulsed any common tries of cheering him up. It was better to invite people to leave him alone for now, for him as well as for them. Eventually he heard the door being pulled shut again an sighed softly. More time with his dismal self, he guessed.

In spite of his expectations however, he wasn't left alone for too long. It might have been fifteen, twenty minutes before the room door was opened again. He frowned into the cushion; if the other four had gone out, who could that be? He knew he had heard them leave, particularly Key and Minho's fooling around while they departed out the front door had been unmistakable. His idle curiosity was not enough motivation to flip onto his back and look, and he was glad for laying on his belly with his face buried into the pillow since the room was flooded with artificial light not much later after the unexpected visitor's hand had flipped the switch.

Soon, he felt mentioned visitor sit down on the edge of the bed and then, hands descending onto his shoulders.

"You're incredibly tense lately. Metaphorically and literally speaking." Applying a bit of pressure, those hands began to kindly knead his tired muscles, enticing Jonghyun to exhale in meek appreciation of such amicable service before replying.

"I thought you guys were heading out." Though he could assume why the other man had stayed behind. Was his behavior really that worrisome by now? He himself didn't really notice anymore.

"Well, I consider it my duty to investigate on our bad mood. As friend and leader both."

It caused the blonde to chuckle; of course he did. "You'd even miss out on a chance to eat some tasty chicken, for my sake? I'm honored."

The hands wandered lower, continuing their good deed in massaging his back and unknowingly for himself, in accordance to his body he was relaxing in spirit, too. Although not for long.

"Don't joke. I'm serious."

Something in those gently admonishing words as well as the way and the tone they'd been spoken in jabbed at his heart, perhaps he'd simply had people reprimanding him one too many times lately. He flipped onto his back, startling his band leader and now glaring up at him.

"Joke? You think this is funny to me? I'm losing my damn mind here!" He hissed, feeling his face contorting in a grimace of fury, abruptly angry for reasons he couldn't pinpoint.

Onew raised his hands in a pacifying manner, a bit perplexed. "I didn't mean it like that."

Well. Obviously he hadn't. And realizing that now he was overreacting to things and snapping at people who were in no way to blame for his plight only added to Jonghyun's inner disruptions. This was all wrong, all emotions had turned 180 degrees. If he'd been standing he would have slumped, but now he just closed his eyes in defeat and exhaustion. Silence enveloped them for a moment.

"Was she really that important to you?" The older man queried eventually, voice quiet.

Covering his face with his right arm, the blonde sighed softly. "It's not that." It wasn't about the girl, he didn't even have the chance to get to know her well enough to speak of any important emotional attachment. Yet he had wanted to. Not even really because of the girl herself... he had wanted the closeness. Not that of a friend, not that of family. He had wanted the romantic kind. The one that was more personal, more intimate. The one that was supposed to make you happy.

"I just wanted to know what it feels like, you know? Being close to somebody that way." Physically, emotionally. A lover's word or touch couldn't quite compare with those of platonic relationships, he knew it. But knowing and experiencing were two different things and sadly, he didn't get to do the latter very often.

Lifting his free hand, he waved it tiredly. "But, whatever. I didn't even get to kiss her." Not that he hadn't kissed anyone before, though he doubted that teenage high school experiments could be placed very high on the rating scale or counted as something really legit. Despite his sometimes badboy-ish attitude, he really wasn't the type for one-night stands either. That was not the kind of connection he wanted even though he knew he could have had it, with the amount of groupies who'd be happy to line up for him. Ah... Perhaps he was simply too much of a romanticist in that aspect.

"Well, if it's just that..."

He didn't quite understand what exactly Onew meant by that, although the answer presented itself rather quickly in his band leader's next actions. Gasping softly in surprise of the weight descending onto his midsection, Jonghyun lowered his arm away from his eyes and snapped them open, staring up at the other youth who was now straddling his hips.

He wanted to question the meaning of this but didn't get to do that either, because the brunette leaned in, stemmed those hands either side of the lead vocalist's blonde-topped head and brought that pretty mouth down onto his. There were two initial things Jonghyun felt acutely and at once; the first being the incredible softness of the pliant lips pressed gingerly to his own pair, and the second was the electric tingle that sparked down his nerve tracts from the tenderness of the simple contact, making the sensation of it that much more... profound. Yet for all the marvel of it, it lasted regrettably too short a time span.

Pushing himself up just enough to leave a strap of air between them, Onew's features twitched a small smile. "Doesn't feel much different with a girl, believe me."

Something about that casual statement let it sound rather sexy and Jonghyun didn't know if it was healthy for his heart to have skipped a beat like that. Of all the things he'd expected today... But the feeling was there, as was the desire; pleasantly exciting and bright after all the catastrophically disarrayed emotions of the last few days. He exhaled his next breath carefully and slowly, together with the words that mixed into it. "I beg to differ..." Because it had most definitely felt different from any other kiss before.

The younger man's motions were smooth and swift, his well-trained body pushing up to flip them over and have their positions reversed, and if anything there was a curious kind of thrill in hearing the soft gasp flying off the other's appealing lips. Now it was him straddling those slim hips, his hands coming up to lock a chary cage of long fingers around Onew's wrists and keep them sunken into the pillow either side of that smart head, looking into his band leader's chocolate-hued eyes with an investigative shimmer touching up his own fawn gaze. He missed nothing; not the fine, faint pink dusting the older vocalist's cheeks nor the way his chest heaved with slightly deeper breaths. The image was enticing and he followed its silent beckon, his pillaring arms bending to lower his body just enough so that he could have that second kiss he found himself craving for.

Upon contact, his eyes fell shut almost automatically, just lingering for a moment before he felt the velvet pair he touched nipping carefully at his own. It gave incentive to his exploratory motions, angling his head slightly to further accommodate the play of silky surfaces against each other. His mind edged all thought out in favor of perceptions, it was like his blood was warming up, too, his heart faltering yet again it its slightly hastened palpitations when a meddlesome tongue ventured out to press down onto his lower lip in chary suggestion, tempting his mouth into opening a crack - just enough for that slick muscle to slip inside and introduce itself to an equally moist, soft playmate. It sent another delightful shock blitzing through his lean frame, unwittingly bringing their bodies closer by pressing down on the other man.

The action was rewarded with a mild gasp and the wrists in his harmless grasp twitched meekly, something Jonghyun found both adorable and rousing. So wrapped up in such a personal gesture, the rock of his sturdy hips was rather instinctual, startling them both and causing a pleasant shiver down his spine at the sensual sound of the quiet moan that spilled from the lips of the trusted presence beneath him.

Onew broke their kiss by turning his head away, a prolonged breath shuddering softly out of his more irregularly fluctuating chest. The room felt hotter to heightened senses and Jonghyun realized only now that his breath, too, was uneven in its cadence. There... should and hopefully would definitely be a continuation for this.

But for now they seemed to have mutually agreed on halting in their stride towards whatever it was that had suddenly budded between them, the blonde's fingers unfurling their grip around those slender wrists. An action he would definitely not come to regret as those arms moved to encircle his neck little later, gently pulling him down into a comforting hold. Resting his forehead against the front of Onew's shoulder, the air flowed out of him in a content exhale. Something about this position was both relaxing and reassuring, almost... revitalizing, even. Warm and cozy, all the more so as the deft digits of his band leader's one hand began sifting gently through his gold-hued strands.

The veil of cacotopia began lifting off his inner and outer world alike, finally turning their grey and dreary atmosphere into vivid, lively colors again. That touch was curative, not least because it was a friend's touch no longer. It was something more, and he loved it. All the more so when Onew tilted his head a bit and pressed another chaste kiss to his temple; it was sweet, simple and... soothing.

"Feeling better?"

The smile came easily to him now, unfeigned and genuine much like the response he gave: "Much." So much in fact, it was almost hard to believe he'd been upset at all.

They lay in silence for a little, snuggly while then, Jonghyun simply enjoying the tranquility of mind and soul as well as the caring touch of those agile fingers sliding through his hair. Astounding somewhere, how little was needed sometimes in order to bring a distorted world back to balance again.

"Ne, Jinki." His voice was slightly muffled in its murmur against fabric and skin, but in view of their close proximity Onew didn't have much trouble to hear them anyway.


He didn't have much to say, but that what he did say was important. "Thank you."

He couldn't see the smile, but he heard it in the inflection of that equally simple and yet significant reply. "Anytime."

It caused the curl of his own lips to stretch a bit wider, because in those words and in that voice was a promise; a benign reassurance sealing the end of his personal cacotopia, and marking the beginning of something much, much better - a mutual, auspicious, if even maybe yet secret, utopia.


♥ For previous chapters and more stories check my [Story Archive] and to know asap when something new is up follow me on [Twitter]! ♥

♥ Have a suggestion for the next letter, the next pair or even for both? Leave it below in a comment! ♥

♥ Thank you for reading! ♥
Current Location: Bedroom
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Current Music: SHINee - Better
lttlbrightlightlttlbrightlight on April 9th, 2014 05:52 pm (UTC)
So cute. I actually wasn't expecting this pairing because of how different they end up seeming but your muses, as always, delivered. From beginning to end you could see most of Jonghyuns inner conflict. The why's, the what's, the hows... they all were there. It was pretty clear as to his reason for feeling the way he did so it was easy to see why his cacotipia disappeared. Plus, there was nothing rushed about it. It felt very impulsive, as if your muses were testing the waters but ready to submerge themselves in as well and it proved rewarding. It was a pleasure to read and thank you for taking my suggestion ^_^. I look forward to the rest to come as I see you have got a nice little list building up in the claimed letters. Thank you very much my dear, I was pleasantly surprised to see how you were able to turn such a dreary word into a fic that ended in fluff XD.
Kate, Kathrin, Katjagazerock4eva on October 7th, 2014 02:45 pm (UTC)
I know, this is super late *laughs* But as I always use to say, better late than never!

I'm happy you enjoyed the one-shot, because this was entirely new territory for me and my Muses in terms of pairing and fandom. I'm glad we did well! Cacotopia is also a very interesting word and provided wonderful inspiration =3 So thank you for suggesting it!

Sheesh, I do hope I will get to working on that list and those letters, my unplanned Hiatus did get in the way of that quite a bit. But well, I'm positive my Muses will get struck by another inspiration bolt eventually.

I'm happy you enjoyed the read, and thank you for your continuous support and appreciation <3!

feuerregenfeuerregen on April 21st, 2014 01:33 pm (UTC)
I liked it.♥ The way Jonghyun feels is understandable and what happened between Jonghyun and Onew seems so natural. Jonghyun is lucky, that he has Onew to help him out of his cacotopia.
Kate, Kathrin, Katjagazerock4eva on October 8th, 2014 06:45 pm (UTC)
Sorry for the long time to reply, I was MIA due to some personal troubles but I didn't want to leave this unreplied either way =)

I'm glad the relationship between those two felt natural and the entire oneshot was pleasant to read, particularly since it was my first take on the entire fandom as is.

I'm happy you enjoyed the read, and thank you for your comment <3!

Edited at 2014-10-08 06:46 pm (UTC)
iamjinkifiediamjinkified on May 1st, 2014 05:31 am (UTC)
So beautiful and felt so real <3 thank you for this wonderful piece
Kate, Kathrin, Katjagazerock4eva on October 8th, 2014 06:46 pm (UTC)
Sorry for the long time to reply, I was MIA due to some personal troubles but I didn't want to leave this unreplied either way =)

I'm happy you enjoyed the read, and you were more than welcome to it!

Thank you as well, for your support ^_^

eskremeskrem on December 28th, 2014 11:23 am (UTC)
I feel all warm and happy reading this <333